you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
