you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
