lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
