All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
do herpes really smell.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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