Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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