JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
