Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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