need another drink. this is the easiest way
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
