I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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