fuck your aforementioned shoe
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
