I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
