she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is Oprah even human
did i just pee glitter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
