I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
