are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
