If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
