Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
