My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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