I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
