the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Reggie can tackle my bush.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
