that's an acceptable place to lick
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
