CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
