you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
