did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm like, not good at living.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
