What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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