just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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