so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
