so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
