Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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