he wants to bone in the snuggie
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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