She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize