my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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