Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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