Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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