The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
