i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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