she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
