My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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