Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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