I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
stop calling my apartment porn island.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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