I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
