Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
