trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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