I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's rum buckets o'clock
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
