Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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