we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
