Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
