i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
