I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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