That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
