One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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