I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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