he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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