and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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