i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
