Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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