the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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