Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
