Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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