so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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