I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
