and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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