im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
