I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
