Betty ford says i'm here all night
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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