last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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