Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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