Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
